My Dragon Age: Scoundrel
by Mega Kilo 69
Summary: When you wake up in a different universe, you panic. And when you're done with that, the soul crushing fear sets in. And after that... you do whatever you want. This is My story. This is My Dragon Age...
1. Prologue: What? What! WHAT!

Prologue: What? What?! WHAT?!

The grogginess in my head hits me like a wave and I moan feebly. My body feels like it's been torn up and spat out by something. I try to push myself up but the nausea hits me. I take deep breaths and squeeze my eyes shut tightly. After a few moments the dizziness passes and I gingerly open my eyes.

There's a body above me. Wrapped in bandages and hanging from its feet. As sure as I am that I've never seen any mummified bodies outside of a museum, it's familiar to me all the same. I lunge to my feet and immediately fall to the ground due to my left leg being numb. I land on all fours and the sudden stop makes me throw up.

I take a few minutes to calm myself, steadying my breath and spitting the vomit from my mouth before I look back at the hanged man.

My eyes widen a little in shock. It's the Hanged Man. THE Hanged Man. From Dragon Age. I gasp in horror. I'm in Kirkwall. I gasp in shock. I'm in Thedas. I stifle a cry of fear. I'm in a video game!

The kicker that finally forces me to my knees in despair though? "I don't know how to get back. I don't know how I got here." I rush to my feet and then begin to walk into the pub. "This has gotta be a dream," I mutter quietly as I open the door. "I just gotta wake up somehow or just run out of imagination. I find myself sitting at the bar and without thinking I dig my hands into my pockets. A pen, a phone, my wallet and a note. I quickly unfold it.

_Remember…_

That's all it says. I'll be honest, this is getting creepy. Remember what exactly? I fold the not back up and by that time the barman was right in my face.

"And what can I get you little 'un?" he says with a smirk. English accent? Oh yeah, these guys had English accents. That'll take some getting used to. Or it would if this wasn't a dream…

"I was, uh, just wondering what was new around here. Anything exciting maybe?" I smile nervously. He gives me a pointed look, the kind of look that says "_Stop playing the adult and go back to your colouring_". I'm not a kid anymore, I'm 17. I can't stand it when I'm not being treated my age. Before I can protest he walks away and begins chatting to another customer, a rather beautiful woman. I sit stewing in my anger for a few minutes before my mind clears and I concentrate.

I'm not sure I'm dreaming anymore. It's all so… real. The breeze from the door opening, ruffling my hair as it cools down my hot face. The smell of booze, piss and vomit… I'm terrified. If this is real… then how the hell did I get here? What am I doing in a video game? And what the hell am I supposed to do? I'm either just in time for the Blight or the Mage-Templar War. Neither of them looks like a fun thing to do when you're a scared, fat, 17 Scottish kid who thinks he's going insane. I put my head in my hands and moan again.

"Trouble messere?" asks a greasy voice behind me. Turning, I see two men in leather armour with metal studs staring at me on a way I do not like at all. One's tall and bald while the other has a full head of hair and a beard. Both of them have daggers across their back and I gulp. Their twin smirks widen.

"No no no, no trouble here, no siree. Just enjoying the good old fashioned pub scene," I chuckled nervously. I saw the look the men gave each other and the way their smirks didn't even bother hiding the evil inside them.

"You from Starkhaven?" asks the taller of the two, his voice low and dangerous. It takes me a moment before I remember what he means.

"Yeah, Starkhaven, that's me. Fresh off the bus, uh, I mean cart. Road?" I finish feebly as the men stare at each other in confusion. Before I can make any plans to get away from them they turn back to me with greedy stares.

"Starkhaven's a very rich place… It'd be… _kind_ of you to give us your coin purse." I shudder in relief; they only want to rob me. Wait, they want to rob me? I have no money. Well, a few pounds but I don't think there's a transfer rate between British pounds and Sovereigns…

"I don't have any money," I murmured lowly and they throw their heads back as if it was the biggest joke they'd ever heard.

"Come now Starkhaven, you expect us to believe that you spent your last sovereign on a drink? Look at the size of you!" Great, fat jokes. Very classy robbers. Beardy looks behind me and I turn to see a wooden mug of ale behind me. I look at the barman who's still talking to the woman, who keeps sending glances at me, watching the scene with my would-be muggers unfold. I grab the drink and take a swig, winking at her as I do so. She smiles cheekily.

"Come now, boy, you don't want us to get nasty now. And believe you me; we can be very, _very_ nasty." I stare at the two. Boy? BOY? I stare at the two coldly. The taller one is around my size, maybe an inch or two taller. Long arms, though, could mean trouble. The smaller has his arms crossed and is leaning back on one foot. He's off balance…

"You know gentleme," I say pleasantly as I take a large swig of my ale, completely at odds with the cold rage coursing through my body like blood. "You took the words out of my mouth." And with that I struck.

I kick Beardy away with my right foot and he staggers backwards before landing on a table. Before his friend can react I throw my drink in his face, blinding him. As he stumbles backwards I tackle him to the floor. Panicking slightly, I try to rush to the door only to find Beardy waiting with a furious expression and one of his daggers pointing right at me. A force crashes into my back with the power of a freight train and I land heavily as blow after blow rains down on me.

10 minutes in a new world and already I start a bar fight. Mama would be so proud.

I wait for Baldy to try to stand before I kick at his knee. With a howl, he falls to the floor and I quickly climb on top of him. I rip my pen out of my pocket and hold it to his neck and he freezes. Beardy takes a step forward before I push the pen in deeper, panting lightly. Please, please, please, please…

"What is that thing," cried Beardy in fear at his partner being immobilised. I nearly laugh from relief but I turn it into a dark chuckle.

"Knew this apostate once, powerful bugger too, had blood magic and everything. Sometimes he picnicked with demons for the laughs. He gave me this which is basically a mini-crossbow," I pushed the pen in deeper and Baldy had to stifle a shriek. "I push this button," I wiggled my thumb, "And a poison dart makes its way into your friends' skull. He's dead in a minute. And I don't have the antidote. So let's make a deal, shall we."

I realise the whole tavern's watching and I feel a little stage fright. But then I take a deep breath and calmly say, "Drop your weapons, throw over your coin purse and walk away." The thief looks outraged but a slight whimper from his friend makes him comply. He throws his daggers down and lays a fat coin purse on the bar. He looks at me pointedly. I quickly take his friends daggers and an even bigger coin purse before I stand up. I keep the pen pointed at them, in case their pride makes them come back before they both storm out of the door. As it slams shut, I sigh heavily, my shoulders slumping. I grab the purses and sit next to the woman, whose eyes widen almost imperceptibly. Almost.

"Enjoy the show," I asked cheerfully as I wave the bar keep over, ordering another ale. He hesitates when he gives it to me and quickly walks away. I take a sip. "This is quite good. Taste like piss, but in a nice way." I turn my eyes to the woman who looks me over appraisingly. "What's your name?"

"Isabela. Captain Isabela to you." I nearly do a spit take and I look her over. Oh, my god! Isabela is buying me drinks! Here smile widens as I recognise her name. "So you've heard of me then?"

I smile, trying to play it cool. She was one of the coolest characters. "Captain of the Sirens Call, sharpest blade in Llomerryn, Queen of the Eastern Seas! I've heard a bit," I chuckle. She smirks quietly.

"So what brings you to Kirkwall, Mr…?" she leaves the question hanging.

"Sparrow. Jack Sparrow," I almost snort in laughter into my drink but I manage to turn it into a cough. "I'm not really sure. Something brought me here, I don't know what. I'm just trying to figure things out, if that makes sense. It doesn't does it?" I say morosely. For a second there, the fight, Isabela, I forgot this wasn't my world, that I'm a very long way from home.

"It does actually," Isabela murmurs as he leans her back against the bar. "I found what I was looking for. The open waves, the taste of salt…" she shudders in excitement. "There's nothing better."

"Is that what brings you to Kirkwall? The open ocean?" I glance at her out of the corner of my eye.

"No, I need a crew," she says, obviously annoyed.

"A captain without a crew, reminds me of someone I know," grinning at my namesake. Then an idea entered my head. A dreadful idea. A horrible, dreadful, wonderful idea. "So you're recruiting? Anything special?"

"If they're sober, I can use them. You might make a good pirate yourself," she looked at me, right in the eyes…

"You know what," I say with a smirk as I smack my lips and set down my mug. "I think that too. But there are a few small things to overcome…"

"Oh, and what would they be?" she asks, her eyes fluttering seductively. Is she thinking… No, she can't be, she's like 10 years older than me.

"I have never used a weapon before. I'd need someone to teach me," I let a little shame to pour into my face, just to sweeten the deal. This is a very pivotal moment. I stand there before the Pirate Queen as she decides my fate. She takes a few moments to look me over.

"We can work on that, now pick up those swords, we have a ship to catch," with that she strode from the tavern, leaving me to pick up my spoils and follow her.

1 hour in a new world and I'm a pirate. I decide whether that's a good thing or not later. For now, it's a pirates life for me.

**A/N: Little thing that popped into my head, thought I'd write it. Dunno where to go from here so I'll keep working. Read review, Compliment or critiscise I don't care. Tell me what I'm doing right or wrong.**


	2. Lessons Learned

**Authors notes: Sorry for taking so long. I was done in about an hour but I've been sick for a few weeks so here goes. Shout out to SleepiPanda, so far my only follower. But hopefully pick up soon once i start updating regularly. So here goes.**

Chapter 1: Lessons Learned

The spray of the sea passes over my face and I smile contently. It's been over six months since I arrived in Thedas. Six months away from home. Six months of being a pirate. I never thought I'd say it but it's been quite fun. The sea has a calming effect on me and I feel almost at peace. Almost…

I left everything behind. My family, my friends. Hell, I even miss my teachers! All I have is my uniform I was wearing and the things in my pocket. I don't even know how I got here. All I remember about my last day is being at school, going out for lunch and then… blank. I think that's what I have to remember. If I can figure out what happened to me, maybe I can find a way back home. The pirate's life has its charms, but it's not real. None of it.

My first night here, I cried. Don't judge me, you would've bawled if you mysteriously woke up inside a video game, all alone and lost. I kept hoping that when I went to "sleep" I would wake up. I didn't. I'm still here. And I'm surviving. Barely.

"Mister Sparrow," called a voice behind me. I turned and saw Isabela with her trademark smirk. I gave her a little salute.

"Captain?" I asked steadily. Some of the others turned to look, discretely. Isabela ran a tight ship.

"Have you finished your duties Mister Sparrow?" She glanced at the spectators and they quickly hurried to their tasks, not wishing to incur the wrath of the Pirate Queen.

"Yes Captain, I finished cataloguing the bounty from the last raid, looked over their maps and marked a course for an ambush spot where we can come alongside a lovely little frigate that seems to have little to no defensive capabilities. Reports hold that she's a trading vessel, most likely carrying produce and livestock that'll fetch a pretty penny." I stand straighter and try hard to let the smile on my mouth not spread. After she discovered I could read and write, and knew how to count – apparently a rarity in her line of work – she had gotten me to sort out the more administrative parts of the ship to free up her to do more… whatever she does. I soon learned not to brag about my education. Isabela's all for pride, but not too much. You don't want to send the impression that you think you're above the crew...

"Good. Go to my quarters and wait for me there," she said as she arched an eyebrow. I almost grimace.

"Ma'am," I saluted as I turned towards the Captains quarters. Despite what many of the more crude sailors thought, I was not sleeping with the Captain. No, it was much worse. As I closed the door behind me I smiled for a second. Isabela was decadent, that was known to everyone, and she pulled no expenses in furnishing her quarters. The finest Orelesian rugs and wine, the softest Antivan bed and chaise longue, a massive oak writing desk apparently from Tevinter, Rivaini incense burning to give the room a smoky air… Yes, this was Isabela. Then I remembered why I was here and grimace.

I removed the heavy black frock coat that I was wearing, revealing my waist coat and unbuttoned shirt. Seeing as I've adopted the name of Jack Sparrow, I thought I'd go with the outfit. Isabela was only too eager to get my out of my school uniform –har har har – and gave me a tour of her wardrobe. I decided against a lovely tricorne hat I saw, thinking that it's usually a captain thing, but I got the rest sorted. All I need is dreadlocks and lots of trinkets, maybe some eye shadow, and I could be the real deal. Oh, and the belts. Isabela said until I knew how to wield a blade, I wasn't allowed to carry one.

"You can still have a wooden sword," she had mocked after seeing me eye some of the rapiers, "But I think the crew won't be nice about it."

Which brings me to where we are now. Lessons. I supress a shudder as I hear the door open and close.

"If it isn't my whipping boy," Isabela crooned, making her way to the weapons rack. While she preferred daggers, she was giving me the basic rogue training. Which meant starting with a sword and using my weak hand. She tossed me my sword and, to my relief, I caught it easily enough. I give it a little flourish and let a small smile creep into my expression.

"Don't get cocky," she said, noticing my smirk. She looked over me with a grave expression. "If you get cocky, you're dead. Until you've got the skills to back it up, you stay away from any fight."

With that she leaps forward and tries to run me through. I hastily step back and knock her blade off course, spinning to the side to avoid being sliced. She spins as well and I deflect the sword, barely, as it makes an eager pass for my throat. Isabela is a tricky one to fight. She's a duellist, quick and agile. In close combat she has the advantage. But anytime I put distance between us, she quickly closes the gap and strikes. But I have an idea. I've been on the defensive in all our sessions. Time to see if I can go on the offensive.

I feint a step back and she rushes forward. I kick off my back leg and drive my shoulder into her. I see a momentary look of surprise as she tries to correct herself before I attack. I swing the sword two handed and she shakily blocks. I have to be quick before she rights herself. I bring my blade over my head and bring it crashing down onto her hastily erected block. We stay in that tableau for a few seconds before her eyes glare at me. I step back, flourishing my blade as she stands, her sword at her side and looking pissed as hell. I now realise how screwed I am as I stand towards the pirate queen.

She lunges forward, almost quicker than I can follow. What I do follow is her sword as it sweeps towards me. I try to block but my arm falters, still not strong enough. I try to lean back to avoid the blade but it still rakes along my chest. I hiss in pain as I fall to the floor. Isabella stands over me, sword to my throat as she prepares to end my life. She smirks.

"That was a good move," she says in a sultry tone. "If only you could capitalise on it." She lifts her sword and replaces it on the rack as my heart pounds in my chest, blood dribbling down my front. Bah, tis only a flesh wound.

"That concludes todays lesson."

**A/N: So, "Sparrow" got his ass handed to him, imagine that. To be fair, he did try to beat the Pirate queen after six months of training. No-one could realistically pull that one off. Please read and review, let me know what you guys think of my insane rambling.**


	3. To Raid and Conquer

A/N: Sorry guys, this took so long because I've been looking for a job and pickings are slim at the mo. But we move on.

Chapter 2: To Raid and Conquer

The waves were choppy, and the spray was soaking everyone on deck. The salt was soaking through my clothes and making the cut Isabella gave me a few hours ago sting like a BITCH! The others told me that we were heading into a storm. Yeah, no shit. What tipped you off, the black clouds pouring buckets of rain, the choppy waves sending spray halfway up the sails, or the fact we're heading into a massive storm!

Wow, does pain make me angry.

I make my way across the deck, the rain pounding into me like I'm in a freezing cold shower. Around me, pirates are securing things and tying things off... I don't know a lot about boats. I'll stick to the stuff I need to know, like how to kill people. I pound my fist on Isabella's door and sweep in.

"Isabella?" I call, unable to see her. I wring out my shirt and my hair, it's swept back past my shoulders now. If I had to describe it... I look a bit like Loki from the Avengers. Hair wise anyway. "Isabella? Where the hell are you? Mordecai said we..." I'm not quite ready for how she answers my call.

You see, Isabella has an adjoining room in her cabin. It's got her perfumes, soaps and her bath. I have dubbed it, the "bathroom". I know, I'm a genius. And Izzy dearest doesn't invest in towels.

"Sparrow? What do you want?" she asks with mild annoyance. Mild?! She's completely naked, body glistening...

"Well, uh, I was just, uhhh... That's amazingly distracting you know?" I cough gruffly, turning my head. I see her saunter over to me and I feel myself getting redder and redder with each step. She grabs my chin and slowly turns my head to face her.

What is going on? Yeah, we've been working pretty close since I came aboard but apart from vague innuendos, crude annecdotes and mild flirting, there's been nothing?

"Is there something wrong, Serah Sparrow?" she asks playfully. I feel my back prickling uncomfortably and sweat begins to bead my forehead.

"Well, _Captain_," I say tightly, putting extra emphasis on the Captain part, "You appear to be improperly dressed. First Mate Mordecai ordered me to inform you that we're just over an hour away from the frigate's estimated course. However, you may have noticed we're sailing into a storm so it may take longer. That is all to report Captain." The whole time I've kept my eyes focused on a candle over Isabella's head.

"An hour, eh? A lot can happen in an hour, don't you agree Sparrow?" She runs a hand down my chest and pulls herself closer and I look into her eyes and see the lust in her eyes. She wants me? Oh Jesus H Christ on a bike. Are we gonna...

OKAY, this is the reasonable side of your brain. Apparently it took me six months to get here. What the hell are you doing? This is not you, any of this? You've spent the last six months playing pirate and calling yourself a Jack SPARROW?! You've been playing with swords - that cut is still stinging - which only means you're gonna use them on someone and you are seriously considering having sex with a VIDEO GAME CHARACTER! At what point is this gonna end? We have to concentrate on getting home, not playing make believe. You've been gone six months, people will notice. What about your family? They'll be wrecked! And while they worry themselves half to death - you know Mum - you're gonna bang a fake woman! Anyway, this is not how YOU treat women! We've spent the past 5 years being friends with girls. Just like Amy...

{_"I'm just saying, Batman beats Superman," I say seriously._

"No freakin' way, Superman has super powers, he can fly, super strength... He can burn shit with his eyes! Batman dies in a broken, bloody burnt heap. Robin too." my best friend Joey laughs while wrapping his arm around our mate, Amy. She shakes her head in bemusement at debates been running for the last 5 minutes.

"You know there is actually a video of Batman kicking Supermans ass. When he's in his 60's. Granted he's in a robotic exo-skeleton but that's because he's in his 60's for christ sake. He and Superman have an epic battle, Batman stands over Superman and says he's letting him live so he can remember Batman as the only man who beat him. Then he kinda has a heart attack and dies -"

"So Superman wins," interupts Joey.

"Which is actually a trick so the government don't kill him, but not before leaving Superman in a bloody pool of his own tears and teeth. Ergo, Superman sucks ass. Anyway, Batman has spent years honing his body into a carefully contstructed weapon of force. Superman just woke up, the sun's in his face and BAM! Bitch can fly."

Joey's silent for a few moments before he just grunts. I do my victory dance as he walks into the sandwich shop. Amy just laughs at "her boys". I grin at her goofily. I've been in love with her for the past 3 years, dating her for 2 before she ended things. Recently though, she's been hanging out with me and Joey. My heart can't help but flutter as we're left alone.

"So, alone again, eh?" I laugh forcefully while Amy just smiles. She's worried about something. I can tell by the way she's running her hand through her hair and looking away. This is not going to be good.}

I take a deep breath and close my eyes, not wanting to appear off to Isabella. That's what happened to me. My last day. That's what happened after I left the school. I was with Joey and Amy walking down the street and then... Crap, that's all I remember. That was pointless. WHy can't I remember anything useful. I open my eyes and it takes a second for the darkness to pull away.

Oh shit, Isabella. I almost forgot she was here. Oh god what do I do? If I do it - her - then I just nailed a video game character, earning me the envy and ire of men and women the world over. On the other hand, stories from the game would lead me to believe that Isabella has been nailed by people the world over. That and the fact I'd be compromising every belief that I've ever believed in, everything I've been taught.

What the hell do I do?

**A/N: Just gonna leave you guys on that little cliffhanger there, what will our little pirate do? I thought I had to 3D his character a little so that it was more believable. I hope you guys and gals found the little lecture to himself funny but I was trying to get across that he's just not been thinking straight since he got to Thedas.**

**I think I'm gonna have a little fun with this fic and bring in elements from other games that have similar settings. No full-blown crossovers, just little tweaks here and there. I've got a few ideas, but let me know if you have any ideas. BTW, there will be NO Game of Thrones. I've not read the books, watched the show and I'm hesitant to do so.**

**So that's done now, read and review and let me know what our poor Sparrow should do ;)**


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